You Know You're Obsessed When
by Pain in the LawliPop
Summary: Exactly as the title says. 100 ways to know if you're obsessed with the awesome TBBT characters. Raj's chapter now up! Rated T just to be safe :P
1. Sheldon

**You know you're obsessed with Sheldon Cooper when...**

**(I'm sorry... I just _had _to. Can you blame me really? Sheldon's awesome!)**

1\. You have a certain spot on the couch because in the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator so that you're warm yet not so close that you sweat. In the summer, it's directly in the path of the cross breeze created by opening windows there and there. It faces the television on an angle that isn't direct so you can still talk to everybody, yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted

2\. ...and you say that you love your mother, but your feelings towards your spot are much greater

3\. You play Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock to settle problems

4\. You sing Soft Kitty when someone's ill

5\. You smile scarily when you're trying to be polite

6\. You can recite ALL of his psychotic rants

7\. You knock three times on a door repeating the person's name

8\. Someone requests an application and you state that you are more of a theorist

9\. You proclaim in a loud voice that you have to urinate.

10\. You're a germaphobe

11\. "This suit is a lot of money for just one colour"

12\. You're happy, you say you're colon capital D in the world of emoticons

13\. You programmed you're GPS to give you quizzes and fun facts using your own voice

14\. Something good happened, you refer to things as a "hoot and a half"

15\. You play bongos at three in the morning

16\. You know that you can eat your icecream too fast and still have a brain tumour

17\. You are the sword master!

18\. ...and then you sell the sword on eBay

19\. Someone falls for one of your _classic pranks_ and you shout "Bazinga!"

20\. It's obvious that PMS and AA stand for the Perpetual Motion Squad and the Army Ants. **(Duh!)**

21\. You have an eidetic memory

22\. You know all the elements on the periodic table

23\. ...in order

24\. You have an IQ of 187

25\. You were ok when Leonard Nimoy replaced Zachary Quinto as Spock **(did I get that right? O.o)**

26\. You are fluent in Klingon

27\. ...and tried to perform your friends' wedding in said language

28\. You have a twenty year old grudge against Wil Wheaton

29\. And you _have _a list of enemies

30\. You don't understand sarcasm

31\. You have a specific time for your bowel movements

32\. You have a Roommate Agreement

33\. You have trousers specifically for riding the bus

34\. You sing the elements song when you're drunk

35\. You check Google to find the "proper social protocol" for things

36\. You love hammer head sharks and swordfish because they have a tool for a head but aren't a fan of hand holding **(..._what?_)**

37\. DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS! **('nuff said)**

38\. You're not crazy; you're mother had you tested

39\. You know it's not a cartoon, it's anime!

40\. You say "Ah, gravity, thou art a heartless bitch," while keeping a straight face

41\. When playing Mario, you tell him to "Hop, you little plumber! HOP! HOP! HOP!"

42\. You say "If I were wrong, don't you think I'd know it?"

43\. You know that you don't screw the roommate agreement – the roommate agreement screws you.

44\. All you need is a healthy ovum and you can grow your own Leonard Nimoy!

45\. You know that in 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung", his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin'.

46\. It depresses you that apparently you can't hack into a government supercomputer and then try to buy uranium without the Department of Homeland Security tattling to your mother :'(

47\. You know the whole idea of gift-giving is absurd

48\. You know you can't be impossible; you exist! People mean to call you improbable

49\. You find the joke 'A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies "for you, no charge"' hilarious

50\. Galileo and the Pope had a little misunderstanding...

51\. You ask people "What type of computer do you have? And please don't say a white one,"

52\. Trying to teach your friend physics, you call it Project Gorilla

53\. You have a phobia of dirty socks

54\. You believe art school and MIT are equally ridiculous

55\. You have to find the "acoustic sweet spot" in a cinema

56\. You watch Frosty the Snowman and root for the sun

57\. You think 'friends with benefits' means they provide you with health insurance

58\. Your grandma calls you Moon-pie because you're 'nummy nummy' and she could just eat you up

59\. You say no buts, no cuts, no coconuts

60\. You go bowling and say "I am the ball, my thoughts are its thoughts, its holes are my holes"

61\. ...and mean it

62\. You conduct emergency preparedness drills early in the morning and wake your roommate up with a loud siren and a verse of "Rise and shine, sleepy head, half the town is probably dead"

63\. A friend tells you you'll never guess what happened and you reply with "You went out into the hallway, stumbled into an inter-dimensional portal which brought you 5,000 years into the future, which you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you're back to bring us all with you to the year 7010, where we transported to work at the thinkatorium by telepathically controlled dolphins."

64\. ...and get it wrong :'(

65\. You tell your friend minstrels will write songs about them

66\. ...and then write one yourself

67\. Your friend tells you not to stalk James Earl Jones

68\. You have ornithophobia

69\. You are an honorary graduate of Starfleet Academy

70\. You find a fear of heights to be illogical, but a fear of falling is prudent and evolutionary.

71\. You demand cookies when you discover an element

72\. You know that if ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we would all have a merry Christmas

73\. You get 'date' the social interaction and 'date' the dried fruit mixed up

74\. You make a webcast called 'Fun with Flags'

75\. You know you it would be preposterous to run with scissors; it would be unsafe ***serious face***

76\. You keep a Justice League of America card in your wallet because it says 'keep this on your person at all times'

77\. You have a loom because you were working with luminous fish and thought... Hey. Loom.

78\. You found out the hard way that one can get beaten up at school for simply referring to oneself as one

79\. You know you can lead a chicken to Crisco, but you can't make your mother fry it

80\. You invented three-way chess

81\. You know people are there because you can hear them metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide

82\. You tell lactose-intolerant people to eat cheese without farting and they can sleep with your sister

83\. You are the master of your own bladder

84\. Your brain is better than everybody's!

85\. Obviously Tweety Bird tawt he taw a Romulan

86\. The sexiest man alive has to be Patrick Stewart

87\. You don't need sleep, you need answers. You need to determine where in this swamp of unbalanced formulas squatteth the toad of truth

88\. You have a four napkin system – lap, hands, face and personal emergency

89\. You call engineers the 'Oompa-Loompas' of science

90\. You're drunk and tell people to get ready to see the dark side of the moon. And here's Uranus

92\. You _did _notice that I missed 91

93\. You _didn't _just check

94\. You're _not _laughing right now

95\. While peeing (if you're a guy) you say "Pee for Houston, pee for Austin.  
Pee for the state my heart got lost in. And shake twice for Texas"

96\. Your favourite place to be is Sims City

97\. You name your cat Zazzles because he's so zazzy

98\. You dress up for Halloween as the Doppler effect

99\. You tell people that they need to picture you with a giant squid head

100\. You do all of the above... in one day

**Wooh! If you're still reading... what's wrong with you?! This was completely and utterly absurd. I'm sorry I've put you through all the trauma that came with this.**

**...Review? Please? Pretty please? With sugar on top? And a cherry? Or you can just throw virtual tomatoes at me. Either's fine.**

**Happy Star Wars Day, May the Fourth be with you XD**

**Next up: Penny**


	2. Penny

**You know you're obsessed with Penny when...**

**Wow! I wasn't expecting anyone to like this, let alone **_**review. **_**It meant the world to me to login and find seven! Thanks to all!**

**As for now...**

**...Run. Run **_**far **_**away and never look back because I present... CHAPTER 2! Enjoy :D**

1\. Your favourite saying is 'Holy crap on a cracker'

2\. You know Nebraska is better than North Dakota, but it's only funny in Nebraska...

3\. You make your friend sing Soft Kitty as a round

4\. You compare people to Ernie from Sesame Street because "Ernie just gave"

5\. You tell people "your ken can kiss my Barbie"

6\. You stick up for your friends and tell bullies that today's the day a girl's finally going to touch them in their little special place, before kicking them in the groin **(of **_**course **_**I do that, pfft...O.o)**

7\. Your friend is planning on moving, and you remind them that they have to stay in one place in case the Mother Ship returns **(I actually did that once)**

8\. You have heard _way _too much about Schrödinger's cat

9\. You buy things because "the man on the box looks so happy!"

10\. You're addicted to online gaming

11\. You're a big ol' 5

12\. You get your friend sick and say "Happy Valentine's Day!"

13\. Your friend does there little experiments, and you do yours ***suspicious eyes***

14\. You know a lot of doctors

15\. You address your friend with "Whassup, Moon-pie?" just to annoy them

16\. You answer the door with "What's up, buttercup?", "What's the word, hummingbird?" and "What's the gist, physicist?"

17\. You buy peppermint schnapps because you like peppermint and it's fun to say schnapps

18\. You have emotional conversations with shoes

19\. You made a rule that says 'No shirt, no shoes, no Sheldon'

20\. You ask what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses

21\. You recognise the walk of shame when you see it

22.** (Need I go on?)**

23\. You know that having a bikini wax using melted crayolas and duct tape is a BAD idea!

24\. ...a _really _bad idea

25\. ...seriously

26\. You think Stan Lee is Bruce Lee's brother

27\. You tell your friend they forgot "this plasma grenade" and then proceed to blow up there head and say "look, it's raining you!" over enthusiastically

28\. You know it's a bad month when Halloween and PMS hit at the same time ...a _really _bad month...

29\. Your friend changes their WiFi password to make you pay for your own WiFi

30\. You're a vegetarian, except for fish, and the occasional steak. YOU LOVE STEAK!

31\. You know a monkey has a trunk when a suitcase just won't do **(**_**obviously...**_**)**

32\. You think you caught the plague

33\. You can walk around with no money because you're cute; you'll get by!

34\. You're singing and your friend says if cats could sing, they would hate it too **(Yep.)**

35\. You know that Fig Newtons were named after a town in Massachusetts and _not _the scientist **(O_O I didn't even know that...)**

36\. You like the museum, but ANYWHERE else is better

37\. You know _way _more Star Trek references than you should

38\. You live across the hall from the one fella that tried to adjust the thermostat, and the other fella that went bat-crap crazy

39\. You spent 7th grade dotting your I's with asses (hearts)

40\. ...You think that's cool

41\. You barge into your friends' apartment and say that you and your other friends got bored and came over to have sex with them just to prove a point

42\. You're willing to sell your underwear for $1400

43\. You only gave Sheldon the napkin! No Leonard Nimoy cloning today...

44\. You never wanted to kick Albert Einstein in the nuts

45\. You can't remember the name of the TV show you got an acting job on

46\. You think NCIS is called NC-STD – the one with all the letters

47\. It took you four years to finish high school

48\. You dropped out of community college

49\. Your boyfriend thanks you every time you have sex

51\. You _didn't _notice I just skipped 50

52\. You _did _just check

53\. You _are_ laughing now **(Haha, Sheldon would've noticed)**

54\. You call _everybody _sweetie

55\. You gave your friend a book so you don't have to explain it to them

56\. You find it so weird that your friend's copy of _Applied Particle Physics Quarterly came and yours didn't _**_(_****_Sooo _****_weird)_**

_57\. _You have the picture of the LOL Cat that wants to "Haz Cheezeburger"

58\. Your check engine light has been on for over a month

59\. You call your boyfriend your little homunculus

60\. You celebrate Anything Can Happen Thursday **(Doesn't everyone?)**

62\. You didn't notice I missed 61 (again!)

63\. You tell people you're getting your "junior rodeo on"

64\. You go to a Physics Bowl to support your friends and end up falling asleep

65\. You suggest people make friends by being... I don't know... pleasant

66\. You know that in Nebraska, people only shoot things if they want to eat them or make them leave their boyfriends alone.

67\. Sometimes you forget how smart your boyfriend is **(that was such a sweet moment, don't you think?)**

68\. You look up words in the dictionary so you understand what your friends were talking about

69\. You beat Sheldon at long division **(Best. Episode. Ever.)**

70\. You know exactly why Sheldon sits in that spot and can complete the rant without error

71\. You always have a baseball bat ready, so if someone breaks in you can go "all Nebraska on them"

72\. You ask your friend if they haven't already turned themselves into a robot

73\. You are not confused by that last statement

74\. You don't know the answer to a question and guess Star Wars

75\. You tell your friend not to donate their clothes to charity because they wouldn't be helping anyone

76\. You make French toast on oatmeal day ***gasp!***

77\. Your friend thinks that what you do is one of the most menial jobs

78\. VEGAS!

79\. You know that if it doesn't feel like an arm then maybe you should let it go

80\. You call your friend Dr. Whackadoodle

81\. You think they have Wii Cricket now (as in the insect)

82\. ...and you know it can't be that popular

83\. You don't know what semiotics means

84\. You get called a Chinese food prostitute

85\. You say you and your friend are like an "old married couple"

86\. You understand that Amazon doesn't have to glue the books together

87\. Talking about an annoying friend you say "The problem isn't what's on the inside. It's the creepy candy coating."

88\. You know who Steve Wozniack is because you watched Dancing with the Stars

89\. Contemplating buying shoes you say, "Ooh, these are cute. Of course if I buy them, I'll have to rent my womb out to a gay couple."

90\. ...and mean it

91\. You're angry and you tell your friend to run... Run to India...

92\. You tell a dog to bark once if they need you to call PETA

93\. You make dog jokes about your friend

94\. Your friend gives a psychotic rant and you respond with "And you wonder why children beat you with books."

95\. You need to go back to dating dumb guys from the gym

96\. There is absolutely no difference between Star Trek and Star Wars!

97\. You don't wanna mess with Voodoo

98\. You hand your friend a vagisil coupon and tell them to think of Sheldon when they apply it

99\. It freaks you out when Sheldon's being reasonable **(that would anyone really, though ;))**

100\. You love Penny! **(Duh!)**

**Phew, finished. Thanks for reading! I'm sorry if it was painful to read. Just a quick side note: I'll update as often as I can, but I am quite busy with school at the moment and don't always have access to my computer -_- Stupid exams! I swear I finished this around one this morning... I'm tired. Let me know who else you wanna see :)**

**R**

**E**

**V**

**I**

**E**

**W**

**Please :)**

**Next up: Leonard**


	3. Leonard

**You know you're obsessed with Leonard when...**

**Thanks to **_**bibliocat **_**for pointing out to me that #43 should have been in Sheldon's chapter, not Penny's. I've replaced that now :)**

**Oh and also to **_**Leanne**_**: Thanks for the continued support so far, and I have now changed #43 to be about the Leonard Nimoy napkin. Thanks for that idea and for wishing me luck on my exams, God knows I'm gonna need it XD**

**I couldn't reply to either of you so I thought this was the next best thing.**

**Anyway, enough of my rambling... I present CHAPTER 3!**

1\. You are reading this right now

2\. Your comeback to bullying is "a homo habilis discovering its opposable thumbs says what?"

3\. You dressed up as Superwoman for Halloween

4\. You can name four or more Halloween costumes he dressed up as **(excluding Superwoman)**

5\. You decide what a hug means by the length of 'Mississippis'

6\. You have been told you are a 'magnificent beast' in bed

7\. You know that if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis, you would be screwed

8\. ...and you use this as a metaphor to describe your best friend's relationship

9\. Your roommate asks "What do you see here?" holding up a laptop and you reply "The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?"

10\. You use Schrödinger's cat metaphors to describe your relationship

11\. You use Loch Ness Monster metaphors to describe your _friend's_ relationship

12\. You think that whispering "do not make a sound" is not a sound

13\. You make fun of the guys at the Apple store genius bar

14\. ...You _can _make fun of the guys at the Apple store genius bar

15._ You _do sound effects in Dungeons and Dragons too!

16\. You have a tie that works as two, but your girlfriend thinks it doesn't even work as one

17\. Two millimetres doesn't sound right

18\. You don't need further explanation on that last comment

19\. You know that your nerdy toy is a lot cooler when girls aren't looking at it

20\. You get called a little homunculus

21\. You have a sarcasm sign

22\. ...and use it _way _more than you should have too **(O.O)**

23\. You proudly show people your board

24\. You are the most logical of all your friends **(riiiight... sure)**

25\. After making a date with your girlfriend, you enlighten them that you'll get your chisel, to carve the…never mind

26\. You try to make corn starch and water dance on a stereo system

27\. ...and succeed

28\. You have to quote Spock's dying words to convince your friend to join your Physics Bowl team

29\. The seat beside you is taken by your Physics Bowl trophy

30\. You explain to your roommate that "Sometimes your movements are so life like I forget you are not a real boy."

31\. You tell your girlfriend that your best friend is one lab accident away from being a super villain

32\. You mix pancake batter in Sheldon's urine cup

33\. You constantly hear a relentless narcissistic drone

34\. You said you're her friend, not her gay friend

35\. You apologise because when you're in bed with a girl, it's your natural response

36\. "You call that a glow stick?" then you proceed to pull out a light saber, "_This _is a glow stick!"

37\. You say your friend has been stuck "intellectually about 30 hours, emotionally about 29 years."

38\. You don't know how we lived before Twitter ***sniff sniff* so sad *sniff sniff***

39\. Your mother has only been visiting a day and a half and you're seriously considering alcoholism and a new career path

40\. You say casually "Sheldon's escaped and he's terrorising the village."

41\. ...you _can _say that casually without being questioned further

42\. You tell your friend that their smile could kill Batman

43\. It's obvious that "if Penny didn't know that Leslie had already turned me down then that would unambiguously mean that she, Penny, thought I should ask her, Leslie, out, indicating that she, Penny, had no interest in me asking her, Penny, out but because she did know that I had asked Leslie out and that she, Leslie, had turned me down then she, Penny, could be offering me consolation. 'That's too bad, you would have made a cute couple" but while thinking "good, Leonard remains available.'"

44\. You would make fun of your friend for having girl problems if you weren't so shocked that they were _having girl problems_.

45\. Y'know, you're a physicist; you thought about stuff. Oh! And you wrote some of it down

46\. You haven't seen Star Wars, like, a thousand times on Blu Ray. Only twice on Blu Ray

47\. You call Frodo!

48\. You understand that your friend is going through a career crisis and they're searching for some other area where they can feel valuable and productive, but you need to tell them something and you want them to listen carefully... GO AWAY!

49\. You have to ask if this is the high-IQ sperm bank

50\. You are the king of foreplay!

51\. You know if Penny's ex-boyfriend Kurt were any bigger, he'd have moons orbiting him

52\. You're a freaking genius!

53\. You get your girlfriend Lakers tickets and say that it gets better: instead of taking you, she can take someone who would actually enjoy it! **(Wooooohh!)**

54\. You call your friend a tall, annoying frog

55\. Maybe tonight you should sneak into her apartment and shampoo Penny's carpet

56\. You wonder a lot of things about Sheldon but not why his little toes and lateral incisors are significantly smaller than average

57\. You know it's not a good idea to take Penny to where wine comes from

58\. It's twelve years after high school and you're still sitting at the nerd table

59\. You think up new, creative ways to murder your friend **(Hmmm... I wonder who that could be)**

60\. You have a psychotic roommate

61\. You have two strikes

62\. You know Sheldon doesn't have a cousin called Leo...

63\. After listening to a particularly painfully sad song, you say with a lot of feeling "God, that's a good song!"

64\. The Joker ringtone creeps you out, but you paid $3 for it...

65\. Your mother tells you to "Buck up, sissypants!" then she tells you that her books are available on Amazon if you need any more help

66\. Instead of leaving Santa milk and cookies, you had to leave a research paper and in the morning you'd know he'd been because the paper would be graded

67\. ...and you got C- 4 years straight

68\. The new neighbour is a significant improvement of the old one

69\. Of course you'll be back, you live there!

70\. You compare you and your friend to two individually wrapped slices of cheese

71\. You practise picking up a girl by saying "Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz e-lec-tric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will nev-er for-get."

72\. ...to your friend

73\. You understand that if all guys were like you, the human race couldn't survive

74\. You tell people "My leg is killing me. Thanks for asking!" heavily sarcastic

75\. You compare Sheldon hugging Penny to a Saturnalia miracle

76\. You tell someone to flush your friend down the toilet and get you a new one

77\. ...and _mean _it

78\. When doing a Mr T. Impression while holding a Spock action figure, you say "I pity the fool who's illogical."

79\. You're going to a party, not turning R2-D2 and C-3PO over to the empire! **(**_**Honestly...)**_

80\. Your friends constantly remind you of the great Jenga tantrum of 2008, but you _know _they bumped the table and made you lose... **:S**

81\. Your reply to "I'm gonna romance your ass off," is "That's beautiful. Is that Shakespeare?"

82\. You're always the good guy!

83\. You know they never look as good as their picture...

84\. You know a tequila sunrise is a wonderful example of how liquids with different specific gravities interact in a cylindrical container** (...Obviously... Pfft.)**

85\. Everything would be so much easier if you were a violent sociopath

86\. You're single – you don't need this crap

87\. You say Merry Newtonmas everyone!

88\. Maybe you _are _her gay friend

89\. You know there's no cholera in Pasadena. Just like last summer when there was no malaria in Pasadena.

90\. You have World of Warcraft parties

91\. You compare your friend being happy and quiet to seeing a unicorn and Big Foot at the same time

92\. You were forced to play the cello as a child because your mother thought naming you Leonard wasn't enough to make kids bully you

93\. The tree decorating rules are out the window

94\. You're far too short to be the Darth Vader of Pasadena

95\. He may be from Texas, but you're from _New Jersey_

96\. She was mad at him, she was done with him, the relationship was broken beyond repair and you walked over there and you fixed it...!

97\. You say "Ooh, flowers and chocolates? Somebody's trying to get me out of my panties."

98\. If someone gets you mad, you won't help them set up their printer

99\. You love cheesecake... you're lactose-intolerant, but you love cheesecake. It's a good idea!

100\. You are the king of nerds

**Finally... that took forever to write! I didn't skip any this time, either! Sorry if this one's a little confusing, I've just had a super annoying day at school. My teachers are going bezerk preparing us for exams, I mean RELAX PEOPLE! Stress isn't gonna help anyone pass, geez!**

**I was listening to Gold Digger by Kayne West when I wrote this... I don't know how that's relevant, but it helped me :S **

**Anyway...**

**Please review :)**


	4. Howard

**You know you're obsessed with Howard when...**

**Sorry guys, I know I didn't update yesterday and some of you wanted to see Amy next, but I already had a few ideas for Howard. I PROMISE I'LL WRITE AMY'S CHAPTER NEXT.**

**Oh, also **_**Brenda, **_**I'm sorry I didn't reply to you in the last chapter, I'm ashamed to say I forgot. But anyway, thank you for the reviews, it really makes my day :)**

**Anywho... CHAPTER 4!**

1\. Your mum packs an 'I love you brisket' in your lunch box

2\. You pretend to be your mother and ask why someone's calling you at such an ungodly hour

3\. You make dramatic entrances and shout "Hola nerdmigos!"

4\. You bug your eyes out wide and say "I'M CRAZY!"

5\. Why exactly did you bail out of medical school? ***evil laugh***

6\. You are the sword master!

7\. You refer your things as 'Nerdvana'

8\. You tell people that your people invented circumcision... you're welcome

9\. If it's "creepy" to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so you can drop in on them unexpected, then fine, you're "creepy".

10\. You are a horny engineer; you never joke about maths or sex

11\. You live with your mother

12\. You know sex criminals don't have keys

13\. You ask people if they were a robot and you knew but they didn't , whether or not you'd want them to tell you

14\. You're mother calls you every day to see if you had a healthy bowel movement

15\. You could also be the engineer that builds the crossbow that kills Sheldon

16\. You're the 'acquaintance'

17\. You tell your friend that their smile is terrifying **(it is though... right?)**

18\. You're really glad that your friend is learning mandarin because once he's fluent, he'll have a billion other people to annoy

19\. You live in 'Jewish Hell'

20\. You know that Indian Monopoly is just like regular except the money is in rupees and instead of hotels, you build call centres, and when you pick a chance card, you might die of dysentery

21\. ...and you know, FYI, _that _was racist

22\. You give your friends terrible relationship advice

23\. ...yet they still listen to you

24\. You say "the girlfriend, the ex-girlfriend, bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty?"

25\. What, you're not hot enough for Angelina Jolie?

26\. You mistake your wife for your mother

27\. ...regularly

28\. You ask your friend if they are upset or just rebooting

29\. You know Sheldon came with a manual

30\. You do NOT have homosexual tendencies **(say what?)**

31\. You compare your friend's 'evil' laugh to a 'tall, thin woman who wants to make a coat out of your Dalmatians'

32\. You know that if you see a Penny, pick her up and all the day you'll have good luck

33\. You know there is no place for truth on the internet

34\. You consistently make robot jokes about your friend

35\. You exclaim "Winnie the Pooh is out of the honey tree!" as if it's the most normal thing to say

36\. The way you see it, you're halfway to pity sex

37\. You're going to Vegas, baby... but your mother thinks you're going to Seaworld, baby!

38\. Penny's probably keeping you up at night in a different way...

39\. You know that love is not a sprint, it's a marathon, a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms - or hits you with the pepper spray.

40\. Obviously, Jewish mothers take a casual la-di-da approach to their sons

41\. A week ago you an astronaut, but today you're a smurf

42\. Your wife's freakishly small hands make anything look big... that's one of the reasons you love her

43\. You do an AWESOME Nicolas Cage impression!

44\. ...and a great Al Pacino

45\. ...oh, and Christopher Walken, of course

46\. You have a preferred place to kick back after a quest

47\. You invented the Wolowitz Zero-Gravity Waste Disposal System

48\. You get _very _excited when you win a Physics Bowl

49\. You end all answer phone messages with "It's Howard."

50\. You're dressed as Robin Hood, not Peter Pan

51\. You have to take Sheldon's class again

52\. You call yourself 'the small package that good things come in'

53\. Every Thai restaurant in Pasadena knows you are allergic to peanuts

54\. ...and your friend is now known as "Ah! No peanut boy!" because of it

55\. You say "As delicious as the appetizer may be, sooner or later we will have to succumb and eat the entrée while it's still…*licks finger and makes a sizzling sound*…hot."

56\. You know renaissance fairs aren't about historical accuracy, they're about taking chubby girls who work at Kinko's and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosom jumps out and says, "Howdy."

57\. You say "Grab a napkin, homey, you just got served."

58\. You know it's smart to whisper so the deaf chick can't hear

59\. You think instead of saying, 'No we don't wanna go on an NSF expedition,' it's nicer to say; 'No we don't wanna spend three months stuck in a cabin in the Arctic Circle with an anal nutbag!'

60\. You greet your friends with "Wazzup, my nerdizzles?"

61\. You lost your virginity to your cousin Jeanie

62\. You believe that one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons

63\. You know that if your friend doesn't leave NOW, your mother will usefood and guilt to keep them there for the rest of their life

64\. You know that flower barrettes would appeal to men if you add bluetooth

65\. ...because EVERYTHING is better with bluetooth

66\. You hit on women in flawless Russian

67\. You can name ten women Howard has tried to sleep with

68\. It's a boy-girl party... you know this Flash runs solo

69\. You know that if you don't watch Star Wars soon, George Lucas is going to change it again **(?)**

70\. You're running the red Corvette

71\. You'd kill your Rabbi with a pork chop to be with Missy

72\. Maybe 'Thor's Hammer' is a new colour of nail polish

73\. You know how to say "no" in at least six language, excluding English

74\. You know there's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man who's got music blasting between his nipples

75\. You know Donkey Kong had Donkey Kong Junior so he could teach someone how to kidnap princesses and throw barrels at Italian plumbers

76\. You have fantasies including Katee Sackhoff

77\. ...masturbatory fantasies

78\. ...in the bathtub

79\. ...your mother shares that tub with you O.O

80\. As an example chat-up line, you say, "Normally I'm not turned on by big teeth, but on you they work."

81\. They're called _tattoo sleeves_

82\. You whine "For God's Sake, Ma, I'm 27 years old. And it's not even a school night."

83\. You know that no matter how much body spray you put on, it's not like the advert were women undress themselves when they smell it

84\. You thought your days of pretending to be with women were over

85\. You think helping your mother out of the bath is one slippery horror ahead of murder and cannibalism

86\. You know that your friend's phone is going to break his heart

87\. You say "Fun fact: I'm going to jump off this train!"

88\. In space, you exclaim "Attention people of Earth: tonight there will be _two _moons in the sky

89\. You weren't all going as the same Hulk!

90\. You curse "How do I know what you said? Damn you and your noise-cancelling breasts."

91\. Yes, she's pushy, and yes, he's whipped - but that's not the expression

92\. You took Judo at maths camp

93\. ...and you're proud of that

94\. You have a blog to find

95\. You introduce your psychotic friend to an equally socially awkward woman and say "Good God, what have we done?"

96\. You understand that for all we know Lucinda the Troll wasn't even a real woman. She could have been a fifty year old truck driver from New Jersey

97\. You know the old saying: pasty and frail never fail **(:S)**

98\. Your family IS the history of heart disease

99\. You imagine Spock's dad in a room with a copy of "Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears"

100\. The robot arm got stuck on your what?

**I really have no excuse for this being late, all I can say is sorry, but the next will probably be late as well :I**

**Next up: Amy (I promise!)**


	5. Amy

**You know you're obsessed with AMY when...**

**Yes! It's time for the one you've all been waiting for *drum roll* AMY'S CHAPTER IS FINALLY HERE! I'm sorry for the really late update - exams are being a real pain in the ass. But I decided that I had to get this chapter up before my birthday (less than a week to go!)**

**...Sorry, I'll stop talking now... Enjoy the chapter... O.O**

1\. You have girlfriend-boyfriend-sing-a-long nights

2\. You taught a monkey how to smoke

3\. ...and can just as easily teach one to shoot a poison dart

4\. Your mum made up Girl Sprouts instead of Girl Scouts so you wouldn't sell cookies on a street corner like a whore

5\. You think your boyfriend looks like sex on a stick

6\. Of course you're beautiful – you're a princess!

7\. You've only kissed your boyfriend twice **(She probably kissed him more - just not on camera)**

8\. You know everyone needs an electric toothbrush

9\. Your boyfriend's nicknames for you are "Gollum", "Flaky", "Princess Corncob" and "Fester"

10\. You know _that _is not the way they usually look

11\. ...and you don't need further explanation on that last one

12\. You say "Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner!"

13\. You understand that those fake weddings... aren't that fake

14\. You have the same orthopaedic shoes as Dr. Jeffries **(OMG!)**

15\. You don't get lucky ***wink wink***

16\. You're hoping to put Sheldon's love of repetition to good use someday ***sh*t-eating grin****

17\. You're going to marry him in four years

18\. ...he just doesn't know it yet

19\. You didn't think "losing my virginity" meant watching Raiders of the Lost Ark, despite _Sheldon _being the one to tell you that

20\. You're just saying... second base is right there

21\. IT'S A TIARA! TIARA, TIARA, TIARA!

22\. There's not a hair on your body you wouldn't let Penny trim

23\. You don't understand why they can't do something sensible like Sheldon, and start their own comic book convention

24\. ...then realise what you said and ask who wants to throw you out that window

25\. You know that comic book stores are lame-o!

26\. You ask to borrow a book called 'Lies I tell to get get sex'

27\. You play Bon Jovi on the harp

28\. You play doctor, Star Trek style just to make your boyfriend happy

29\. You think you're a little more qualified to understand what's not working in Raj's girlfriend's brain

30\. You invented your own language

31\. Every six year old is jealous of your tiara

32\. You tried to milk your cat

33\. You think that maybe tomorrow morning we put on some hot pants and see if we could score us some free omelettes

34\. You can't believe _your _maid of honour dress is going to be on Google Earth

35\. Your friends think your relationship is a joke ***cries***

36\. You added "'cause we out dropping science, son" to your voicemail message to sound tough

37\. In your own words, your boyfriend has a very off-putting personality. Like way worse than Bert's

38\. You get that a _table _of all things to bring into an apartment is _OUTRAGEOUS!_

39\. _You _knew Stuart's last name was Bloom

40\. You wonder just why you don't see many spherical cakes... ***deep in thought***

41\. You know that Sheldon will always be a genius even if Howard never goes to space again

42\. If your boyfriend proposed to you during sex, your ovaries would grab onto him and never let go

43\. Is he saying that he wants to spank you?

44\. You once passed out at a college party and woke up with_ more_ clothes on

45\. You think your boyfriend is like a sexy praying mantis

46\. You have a kinda-sorta boyfriend at home playing with a model train, but no-one hears you bitching about it

47\. The only person that signed your yearbook was your mother who wrote "Dear [Your name], Self respect and a hymen are better than friends and fun. Love Mum"

48\. You found it both tragic and hysterical that a monkey broke his neck after slipping on a banana peel

49\. You have a lab full of cocaine addicted monkeys with _nothing _to lose

50\. You're willing to draw a moustache on your finger as a conversational ice-breaker

51\. They have mirrors in there... you know how you look **(Hell yeah!)**

52\. You offer consoling hugs

53\. You've been a _very _bad girl...

54\. You say "One, two, three, EAT!"

55\. In order to avoid surprises you were _those things _all the time...

56\. You tell your 'friend' that when they are done done copping a feel that goes on your wrist

57\. You found Waldo before Leonard!

58\. You dressed up as a pretzel for your boyfriend's webcast

59\. You and Emily are both hardcore into quilting

60\. You talk to rat brains **('nuff said)**

61\. Your relationship agreement covers a wide array of scenarios, including career changes, financial instability, and intelligent dog uprising.

62\. ...and FYI, you plan on selling out the human race hard

63\. Your boyfriend seems more interested in a bird than yu

64\. ...and he's_ afraid_ of them

65\. FYI, you had a _doughnut _for breakfast!

66\. You understand that your monkey wants a cigarette, but you want a normal boyfriend – they should deal with it.

67\. You are _not _running out of ideas for why you might be obsessed with Amy

68\. You think it might be fun to be someone else tonight

69\. You know that your boyfriend considers psychics not just mumbo-jumbo but extra jumbo mumbo-jumbo

70\. You got into science by going to the library and taking out a book on biology to see what whores did

71\. You still can't believe you didn't make the cut for being allowed in Sheldon's tree fort if he ever got one

72\. You're not surprised that he wants to end the relationship, but a little surprised he didn't get AppleCare

73\. You ship Shamy! **(Sorry Shenny shippers)**

74\. Damn it. You got cocky.

75\. Your boyfriend was too mad at his roommate to realise what a great idea you moving in with him was!

76\. You understand that when someone's pre-frontal cortex fails to make them happy, promiscuity rewards them with the needed flood of Dopamine. You neurobiologists refer to it as the Skank reflex" **(Erm... moving on)**

77\. You understand that the hand holding clause in Section 5 of the relationship agreement is a little limited – "Hand holding is only allowed under the following circumstances: A. ether party is in danger of falling of a, cliff, precipice or ledge; B. ether party is deserving of a hearty hand shake after winning a noble prize; C. moral support during flu shots."

78\. Why yes, you would like to take a survey

79\. Your friend asks "You heard what I did?" and you reply with "I heard _who _you did."

80\. ...with a straight face

81\. Instead of saying "foul mood" you use the clinical term "bitchiness" to describe your boyfriend's recent behaviour

82\. You spend hours on YouTube watching your favourite Shamy moments **(I know I do...)**

83\. You comfort your friend by saying "It's not for us to judge. We're just here to provide comfort and support while you come to grips with what a despicable thing you've done."

84\. You loved Season 7 Episode 15

85\. Your boyfriend starts yodelling live on the radio so you go and get the vodka

86\. It annoys you that it takes forever for your boyfriend to pass the butter

87\. It took your boyfriend three years to kiss you

88\. ...and when he did it was just to prove a point **(But then he started to enjoy it *wiggles eyebrows*)**

89\. You want to cut open Raj's brain to see what the heck is going on in there

90\. Yu say "To the Neil-mobile!"

91\. You have actually written a You Know You're Obsessed With Amy article

92\. At this moment you find yourself craving human intimacy and physical contact

93\. Sometimes your boyfriend forgets you're a lady. And, with that comes an estrogen- fueled need to page through thick glossy magazines that make you hate your body

94\. Aroused, you say "Hoo!"

95\. You just so happen to know that the iconic Valentine's Day heart is not actually based on the human heart, but rather on the shape of the buttocks of a female bending over

96\. You remember the battle with your mother about shaving your legs

97\. You'll be okay. Penny and Bernadette are not the first girls you thought were friends with you who ended up shunning you. It's like elementary school, junior high, high school, undergrad, grad school and that semester abroad in Norway all over again.

98\. You ask what it would take for your boyfriend to go into that liquor store, buy a bottle of hooch, take you to that motel across the street and have his way with you

99\. You get excited when you see a tumour in the brain you're dissecting

100\. YOU DESERVE ROMANCE! **(That was the BEST episode EVER!)**

**Ok, there you go. How was it? Good? Bad? Utter nonsense? Drop a review if you have time.**

**Next up: Raj**


	6. Raj

**You know you're obsessed with Raj when...**

**This is a**_** little**_** later than I expected, I just never got around to finishing it, sorry.**

**Thanks to The CrazyCute Girls, she helped with a few of these so I'm going to promote her:**

**GO READ HER STORIES! I'M SERIOUS – GO NOW! RIGHT NOW! I REPEAT: GO AND READ THE CRAZYCUTE GIRLS' FANFICS NOW!**

**...and now I'm calm, on with the list:**

1\. You've said it before and will say it again: Aquaman sucks

2\. You chant "B to the R to I-S-K... to the E to the T"

3\. What happens at Comic Con stays at Comic Con

4\. You think 'potty' is innocent and adorable

5\. ...and you only wee-wee on the potty when you don't have to boom-boom

6\. You know and can pronounce his full name

7\. ...and you didn't just Google what his middle name is

8\. You come from India

9\. Your astronaut nickname would be 'Brown Dynamite'

10\. You have selective mutism

11\. You cried at the end of The Bon Voyage Reaction

12\. Your friend's mum said that you have homosexual tendencies towards your best friend

13\. You say "Oh, sure, cut the foreigner in half. There's a billion more where he came from."

14\. You're going to be deported, sent home in disgrace, exposed to the sardonic barbs of your cousin Sanjay, or as others may know him, Dave from AT&amp;T customer service

15\. Even if you get a girlfriend someday, you'll still be the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper!

16\. When describing a friend you say, "It's like we both had these holes in our lives, but now we fill each other's holes."

17\. You tell people insurance will replace their car, it won't defunk your junk

18\. You always thought that if you had a white name it would be Gavin

19\. You know it wouldn't be Thanksgiving if an Indian wasn't providing the food

20\. You ask "Doesn't anybody have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me."

21\. ...and in response, your friend reminds you to say these things in your head first

22\. You would rather swim buck naked across the Ganges river with a paper cut on my nipple than work with Sheldon

23\. You're going to be in People Magazine

24\. You didn't come here to help, you came here to mock

25\. You offer to make Chai Tea-3PO

26\. If anything you're metrosexual

27\. You tell Mario to "Eat my dust, racially stereotypical plumber"

28\. You moved to America and was pretty lonely, but when you met your best friend your life changed because you could be lonely together

29\. You think Star Trek 5 is worse than 1

30\. You compare India to one endless Comic Con because it's so crowded, except everybody is wearing the same costume; Indian guy!

31\. Munmun the mongoose taught you not to play with cobras

32\. If you knew it was that easy you would have considered poisoning your dog months ago

33\. Going to Comic Con dressed as a Star Trek character you ask "Can we at least rent the car from Enterprise?"

34\. ...and when nobody reacts, you say, "Oh, screw you! That's funny!"

35\. You don't like rabbits – they always look like they're about to say something, but never do

36\. You think Scooter sucks because he's the Aquaman of the Muppet Babies

37\. You say that to your dog you are her owner, father and soul mate

38\. ...but if something happens to her, your friend's worst nightmare

39\. You used your friend's toothbrush to pick food from your teeth and massage your gums

40\. You wonder which part of America Kripke's accent is from

41\. You think the kind of relationship where you buy your partner presents and they give you sex is the best one you ever had

42\. You shout "Okay what shall be the first to taste the wrath of MONTE?"

43\. When asked why you're sitting outside your friend's apartment drinking beer you respond with "I couldn't find you guys, so I bought six new friends! Sadly, three of them are dead"

44\. You strongly believe you can't ruin a friendship with sex because that's like ruining ice cream with chocolate sprinkles

45\. You don't understand how Horward can sleep in silk pyjamas on satin sheets – you slid out of the bed like three times

46\. It wasn't a pyjama party! It was just a couple of bros hanging out, giggling, eating cookie dough and watching Princess Bride!

47\. You _can_ see Bernadette sneaking marshmallows

48\. You know you can't find a bagel in Mumbai to save your life

49\. You dad says "Yeah, yeah, I'm a gynaecologist. I know exactly what she gives you."

50\. You describe physicists that are concerned that if the supercollider actually works, it'll create a black hole and swallow up the Earth, ending life as we know it, as a bunch of cry babies – no guts, no glory.

51\. You tell your date they have lost so much weight and that must have been difficult for them because you were so, so fat **(Aww, isn't that sweet?)**

52\. "Ok, two words. Deaf chick. It doesn't matter if I can't talk because she can't hear me!" **('nuff said)**

53\. The only thing you've learnt in the last 2 hours is that American men drink a lot of beer, pee too often and have trouble getting erections

54\. These methods of meditation come from the ancient gurus of India, and have helped you overcome your own fears and yet, you can't speak to women

55\. ...but you _can _stay in the same room as them without urinating now! Yay!

56\. You know that Tyra Banks is right when she says the most important item in your makeup bag is a good night's sleep.

57\. You know "Rotting zombie" equals "Sheldon's new Facebook picture"

58\. You say "Welcome to the Raj Majal!"

59\. You call Kermit!

60\. You know Buzz Lightyear's not real

61\. "Last night I had a dream we got so rich from the app, you and I bought matching side by side mansions, but there was a secret tunnel connecting your front yard to my back yard. What do you think that means?" **(PURE. GENIUS.)**

62\. You created Operation Hammer of the Gods: Hiding behind dumpsters in a parking lot and ambush people when they come to pee

63\. You forbidded your friend from going out with your sister! Forbid... ed... it?

64\. Tonight you spice your meat with goblin blood

65\. You think "How could you, she's my sister" takes precedence over a 5-year-old pinkie swear

66\. If you were a horse or a bird you'd be really nervous around James Cameron (creator f Avatar)

67\. You tell your friend they couldn't get laid in woman's prison with a handful of pardons

68\. You understand that when somebody looks at your dating profile, the first thing they see is your picture. You just want to make sure you look fun and full of life, not like a body they just pulled out the river

69\. You promise it wasn't a pyjama party. It was just a couple of bros hanging out, giggling, eating cookie dough and watching Princess Bride

70\. You didn't move in with your best friend because you were sure... no _certain _you would be a ladies' man

71\. In the past six months you've been, you know, checking email, updating your Facebook status, messing up Wikipedia entries. Did anyone know Netflix lets you stream movies on your computer now?

72\. Who died and made you king of the moment?

73\. You want to savour the moment of removing the plastic on your new iPhone 4S

74\. You'll be spending this Valentine's in the same way you spend every Valentine's Day – buying disoriented chicken from the supermarket, taking it home, standing over the sink and eating out of the packet with your bear hands like an animal. Yum

75\. You tell your toaster to die!

76\. You messed with Sheldon's thermostat in his *cough* and yours*cough* office

77\. Watching TV with a wand for a remote suddenly seems so much better than watching TV like a muggle **(Yay! Harry Potter!)**

77\. Just like you do your father, you both love and fear your killer robot

79\. You realised there was two #77's, but disregarded it

80\. You compare a plot to your gravy (they both thicken)*

81\. You heard your friend called your sister Brown Sugar. In your book, that's defilement

82\. You say "We represent the Lollipop Guild and we want you!"

83\. You do have a pretty balls-to-the-wall moisturizing regime

84\. You know there's a time to stop eating so many jelly beans – and it's when you're ten

85\. You tell your friend not to joke about how close you are with your dog... Or tell the truth about how close you are with your dog

86\. You own a man purse

87\. You're date tells you you're not the weirdest guy they've met on the internet and you tell them to give you a chance – they don't even know you yet **(Did that make sense?)**

88\. You would have slept in your _own_ bed, but it was being used to bring shame to your family ... and the memory of Gene Roddenberry!

89\. You wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight

90\. You wish you had a friend like yourself

91\. You're glad men are wearing hats again. They are so distinguished

92\. "So, he kills this girl's father, cuts off the guy's face, and is wearing it as a mask while he makes out with her" You're just gonna say it: That's not okay

93\. Sorry, you left your cardamom seeds in your turban...

94\. You say "Ah beer, the magic elixir that can turn this poor shy Indian boy in the life of the party ... Oh yeah!"

95\. You'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception

96\. It's been a long time since you've seen a girl's really not her shoulder

97\. You mistake 'horse' for 'whores'

98\. You plan on levelling up in the game, not your swimsuit size, thank you very much

99\. You tell people to think of you as a brown Martha Stewart

100\. You've gotta go be butch. Toodles

***I probably could've worded #80 better, huh?**

**I don't think this chapter is as funny as I wanted it to be, but hey it's up now, so no-one can complain about its over-a-month lateness.**

**Quick note: I know **_**nothing **_**on Star Trek so sorry if I got any references wrong (this counts for all the chapters, not just Raj's).**

**Don't forget to read The CrazyCute Girls' fanfics!**

**Next up: Bernadette (last one...)**


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